Saturday, December 20, 2008

Poetry Heartspill # 11

Difference of Christmas

Capturing Christmas in words
is like trying to hold a snowflake
long enough to describe it

The heart, the love
that shines in the shadows of your breath
on a December night

I've always wanted to paint a picture
to show people what Christmas
truly means to me

My words are unworthy to be put on this page
the joy I feel
sitting with my coffee
on my Grandma's puzzle piece couch
hearing the laughter
the exuberance
of family

Going outside as the last moments
of the joyous season slip away
wanting to hold it
tuck in my heart for a rainy day

Every year promising I won't let the joy
fall through my fingers

I beg you
hold the difference of Christmas
Peace, peace on earth

Jesus loves all

the blonde one

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Poetry Heartspill #10

emotional vomit

did you even know?
you didn't did you...
what you had was amazing
love in the palm of your hand

you tossed it, threw it aside
looked for something better

"i see your true colors shining through"

its amazing what a facade you put on
you are a used car salesman, talented at what you do

and you wonder why you fall so much

isn't it exhausting playing a role daily
never letting up

well I know who you are
and what you are worth

its sad that you don't

the blonde one

Lyrical Love # 2

expanded off of lyrical love # 1

Remind Me To Live

How do you write praise without emotion?
How can I make words mean what I do not feel

Lord I don't know who I am right now

In my empty moments
Reveal what I already know
My heart is full of you
In my times of anguish
Bring me to lean on you
Be my Reminder

In the time before the sunrise
the light has yet to hit me
Not in the darkness nor the light

Where do I go between joy and sorrow
What do I say when live ask how I am?

Lord I don't know who I am right now

In my empty moments
Reveal what I already know
My heart is full of you
In my times of anguish
Bring me to lean on you
Be my Reminder

Remind me to love,remind me to live
remind me to be who I already am
Remind me of hope remind me of grace
Remind me...
of you

In my empty moments
Reveal what I already know
My heart is full of you

Be my Reminder

the blonde one

Poetry Heartspill # 9

[fictional: the dark side of poetry]

Devoid & Full

I woke up
without emotion
the passed evening
washed down the drain
like left over pasta

Not wanting to remember
I dig deeper

You tricked me deviously

She was on your arm
smiling like a 4 year old
on Christmas Morning
I cringed

I can't look away
the scene photographed in my mind
pain enveloping my eyes
fire breathing up my spine

I needed to yell to scream
Doing what I do best
Angerly Avoiding

Wanting to speak
to utter your name
and then I saw it

And it fit
haunting eerie
It was clear
like new contacts

Calm Overcame

Deja Vu'
I'd been there before
Doing what I do best

Evoke, perform what I feel

The curtain fell on my memories

I woke up without emotion
but with blood on my hands

the blonde one

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Poetry Heartspill # 8

a psalm of desperation

my shoulders ache
and I am tired
down is an easier way
less struggle
less pain
the end will come quicker

why am I here
here again with YOU
you led me astray
dangling deformed desires
along the way

I infuse my soul with praise
trying to shake you off
my efforts are worthless
my breath comes quicker

come help me OH MY GOD!

save me

save me from me

the blonde one

Friday, October 10, 2008

Lyrical Love # 1

Chorus of a song I'm writing that bares much repeating in my head.

In my empty moments
Reveal what I already know
My heart is full of you
In my times of anguish
Bring me to lean on you.
Be my Reminder

the blonde one


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Poetry Heartspill # 7

It's absurd
so many emotions

yet a single one cannot be matched
with a word, thought

Can I even define you
what you mean?

That anwser is no

If it was possible
you would be deemed worthy

My heart would not be cracked
I coould close the chapter

Without the use of postscript
I could paint you with
beautiful words

but no
you stand there

Undeserving of the praise I reaped
it's absurd really.

the blonde one

Poetry Heartspil # 6

You, You, You
Be done, go away

run from me
face the other direction

I've freed you
deleted you
cleansed you from my mind

It's your turn
Pain I'm letting go of
inscribed it differently

This darkness is boring
I yearn for light
truth, love

none of these you gave
for finders keepers
loser weepers?

Be gone.
I'm over.

the blonde one

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Poetry Heartspill # 5

Faded pictures in my memories

A scrapbook of emotions
Twirling around
Hanging on like the last
Precious moments of summer

It was the time of Twelfth Night
You were almost gone
My mom’s dad
my Russian judge

What was I to do?
Just pass out cookies
Like it was normal
Your children
Grieving someone not quite

I lost you on a Monday
“What did someone die?”
Foot in mouth

You were closest to my heart
Sitting in your chair forever in my mind
I hold onto that
So I wrote a poem
Love, meglyn

My first grown-up loss
Was another
Those images fall away faster
But hurt the most

An instant message from your brother
I thought maybe I had dreamed it

We had talked 3 days before
I yelled at you for not calling, scared you were sick
You called me “Han”, said it would be alright.
We promised not to go to Starbucks until we were together

We never did.
Instead my faith was
shaken to the core
My spirit shattered, heart

I didn’t quite know what to do
Without you and I still don’t
But I hold on
To your hugs

Two pictures slowly
Fall out of the focus of my heart
I hold on for dear life
You lost yours
But I don’t want to lose you.

the blonde one

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Poetry Heart Spill #4

Childhood Fears

I sat there
A hard hospital bed
my front row seat
You came in
Smiling wickedly
A freakish face and balloon animals
Keeping me from true focus
In the middle of your office
A three ring circus
Here you did tricks
Mystifying me with what I did not know

Terrified I huddled
Not wanting to switch roles
Having been many times before
I knew you would make me
Costume change
Mine a paper gown
Yours just two letters
In place of a red nose

I covered my eyes
Tried to send myself to dreams
You had played a mean trick
It was like
A scary movie I tried to forget-
only to keep the nightmares away

It's all your fault
I have fears

With your face washed-
A bad man would stand centerring
No one believed me
(a child afraid of you?)
They wiped my tears with presents
A stuffed cat as protection

I sat there
Pleading silently

I told them I've always hated clowns

the blonde one

Poetry Heart Spill # 3

bridge city

music blares; mosquito bite wake up call
air already filled with the smell of sizzling meat
bright sun, blue skies fall on landscape
still covered in debris, trees

lines of cars start at noon
open arms, engulfing hugs comfort
food runs out; we'll scavenge for more

work ends when generators click off
tiredly talking, hearing stories of destruction

a hurricane unites

the blonde one

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Poetry Heart Spill # 2

Being Pulled
Can't Understand


Simpier times

Were they imagined?

With age
beauty wisdom

Being pulled
letting go while
holding on


the blonde one

Monday, August 4, 2008

Poetry Heart spill # 1


It was me you hurt.
Me who trusted you with my heart
I don't think you ever even knew that.
It was me who put hope in a phone call that never came.
Me who turned a deaf ear to the people I trusted the most
when opinions of you weren't high
Me who held on to the good times
when there weren't any in the future
Did you know I put you on a pedestal?
Compared every guy to you.

It was me who wanted you to find me irresistible

It was me who cried over you--then swore I'd never do it again.
It was me who felt safe in your arms
Though I knew you always let go

It was me who was addicted.

It is me who is swimming upstream to let go
Me who finally knocked you off the pedestal
Me who is yearning to move on

It's me who no longer melts at the sound of your voice
Me who still just wants to know what you meant by it

Did you know it was me?

And did you know it is me who can't find the words to not get hurt again
And yet can't find the words to move from this place in my heart

So tell me the truth but don't you dare touch my heart.

It is me

The Blonde One

Why Yes I am Blonde...

So basically I wanted a new fresh clean slate for some poetry-riffic goodness...I want to write again!